When the person you have fallen in love with knows your weakness and doesn’t use you it for their own agenda that is when you know, it’s only weakness when you get used for it.
In any relationship, the person who has the least interest in continuing the relationship has the greatest power.
This is Principle of least interest. What could be more scary than this? Knowing that your genuine love for a person, is indirectly feeding their ego.
You want to save your relationship, you try your best, but what happens? The other person gets the feeling of superiority and is aware of having control over you. They threaten you of leaving again and again and you keep on trying to change everything about yourself just to make them stay.
Soon it becomes a pattern, because the other person knows that you love them too much to leave, so you would tolerate any kind of treatment.
This boils down to a statement of value: “This relationship is more valuable to you than me, so I have less to lose by walking out the door.”
Ain’t it scary being left for being too loving ? Living constantly in a state of fear of losing the other person and giving your best, just to watch them leave.
Remember that “I want (but don’t need)…” is always a more empowered stance than “I need…”
I think it does more emotional damage to both people than it does good, and while it insulates you from emotional pain, it also stops you from going ‘all-in’ with a relationship.
There’s always someone more invested in a relationship. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just reality. We are all wired differently and some people just allow themselves to become more vulnerable, etc.
My “advice” would go to both parties.
If you are the one that’s the lesser invested party, don’t manipulate this fact to get what you want. It’s disrespectful to the person you’re with because they become a tool you use as opposed to a worthwhile person.
Understand that you have no real power, only the power to exploit feelings.
If you’re the one that’s constantly more invested, that’s not a bad thing. What’s important is that you don’t allow yourself to be used. You don’t have to give in on certain standards, needs, or wants just because you are more invested in the relationship.
There’s nothing inherent about it.