Road Down hill

The guy named BILLS looked up at the mountains as he crossed by them, he has driven this road a thousand times in the last decade and haven’t given a moment of thought.Tearing the sketch, he has been gazing at, he slowed the whirring gears of his mentally ill brain , enough to look at the dawn sky filling up with light through a few frozen stars. Their is no sound other than his own slow heavy breathing just like his downtrodden life. Breathing escalated fast, violent wind started as he ran faster ,and within few minutes he was soaked in blue, running in blurred untrod-den woods. The words from her scratching drawing quote “Come home soon”.
That quote was a storm and as he walked through the storm, paving his way into reality, he toppled into the river and paved his way out distorted in all emotions ,he looked for the sketch and kept staring with the awe of resentment he started to fold the paper in half.

In the light of frozen stars, right above his head he started folding. He is swift though careful. A series of folds and spanning the paper – and the boat was ready.
With a heavy heart, gripping the boat with his forefinger and thumb, he let it go.

Gazing the boat, his heart ached as it drifted along the river, he felt the warmth on his shoulder in this chilling cold breezing wind. A blanket with amiable warmth covered him as she sat holding him, watching their beloved memory fade away. No one said a word , because they saw how great their suffering was. … and there is none that can fill up that emptiness. As the girl sneezed, he noticed her presence , both shivering with teary eyes kept staring the dark ,then gradually the light began to take shape and the darkness lifted like the raising of a veil and over the tree tops the sky was streaked with crimson red.
It was like this for sometime, while everything became clearer and more distinguishable; and then the nature was ready, as was she, mumbling with loosened lips she slid her hand under his arms and started walking, while they walked back to their home ,with a sharp anger,
She said “every time i tell you to get home safe, stay good….” her lips stalled ,they were home . Without saying a word, he walked away to the closet ,drowning over , digging deeper frowned upon the thoughts of his wife, “to stay safe”.

His heart was beating at a random pace, failing to smile , he walked into the kitchen counting beans precisely to be 20. He did this every time he made her coffee. He stared at her she extended her arm out to him .Not wasting time, wanting to feed off of her exuberant energy, he placed coffee mug in her hands.

TO BE CONTINUED……

I am allryt

Say I am allryt, if by allryt u mean being at the bottom of the pit and still falling and never climbing up , yes I am allryt,
I am scared , scared of being not ok , scared of ghetto looking back at me yes it’s not ok but it is what it is , yes I am allryt
After all the dirt stuffed deep in my head I am allryt, being raised up to hold on to things, losing the only hope I had in life yes I am allryt
Everytime I close my eyes , I am lost in the dark fossa tickling it’s scary nails across all over me, yes I am allryt

Depression

Feeling of worthlessness constant torment eating you out
starts underneath lower belly with a sense of heavyness in chest asking your angel to cope up with the demon but i am the demon
Angels don’t help demon and that’s not the problem
Problem is i am the demon

I am not scared of it.

Principle of least interest

6996577-dark-love.jpgWhen the person you have fallen in love with knows your weakness and doesn’t use you it for their own agenda that is when you know, it’s only weakness when you get used for it.

In any relationship, the person who has the least interest in continuing the relationship has the greatest power.

This is Principle of least interest. What could be more scary than this? Knowing that your genuine love for a person, is indirectly feeding their ego.

You want to save your relationship, you try your best, but what happens? The other person gets the feeling of superiority and is aware of having control over you. They threaten you of leaving again and again and you keep on trying to change everything about yourself just to make them stay.

Soon it becomes a pattern, because the other person knows that you love them too much to leave, so you would tolerate any kind of treatment.

This boils down to a statement of value: “This relationship is more valuable to you than me, so I have less to lose by walking out the door.”

Ain’t it scary being left for being too loving ? Living constantly in a state of fear of losing the other person and giving your best, just to watch them leave.

Remember that “I want (but don’t need)…” is always a more empowered stance than “I need…”

I think it does more emotional damage to both people than it does good, and while it insulates you from emotional pain, it also stops you from going ‘all-in’ with a relationship.

There’s always someone more invested in a relationship. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just reality. We are all wired differently and some people just allow themselves to become more vulnerable, etc.

My “advice” would go to both parties.

If you are the one that’s the lesser invested party, don’t manipulate this fact to get what you want. It’s disrespectful to the person you’re with because they become a tool you use as opposed to a worthwhile person.

Understand that you have no real power, only the power to exploit feelings.

If you’re the one that’s constantly more invested, that’s not a bad thing. What’s important is that you don’t allow yourself to be used. You don’t have to give in on certain standards, needs, or wants just because you are more invested in the relationship.

There’s nothing inherent about it.

Demons…!!!

Dark white shadow is that my demon or an angel?
Is it the demon that makes me play dead underneath this blanket
that demon is dead heartened, do not piss him off, it will hurt you in evil unfair untrue ways.
Give this demon time
Let it be your angel, dont touch it, it will break
it will break into thousand stars and explode a million right through your heart.

HOPE

I am in love, is that a weakness?

If so, then call me weak and leave me alone.

Is it easy to sleep in despondency !!? Or to wake up to another day with your heart pounding like a scared bitch. Life is hard stuff, One must have a thick skin to cope with it, not for you lil delicate.
What do one craves for  a caress across the face that leaves a mark, offer a dance, a kiss, a warm embrace.

Why does one remain in position when the defeat leaves our heart broken?

Why do we continue to live when we are expecting the best, but only experiencing our demons?

It is laborious to live knowing that there’s a bridge ahead for you to cross,
and yet, you are barely able to keep up with the trouble that is currently in front of you.

When bridge is harmonious, and is felt in synchronicity, everything will work out for both of us.
How could it not? We are  wise, intelligent, giving, caring, empathic.

The journey may seem tedious. But, We take courage to hold it as a fist in our heart and take one step at a time,

Stay positive and willing to go the EXTRA miles, We will get there. Keep holding on. WE will get there. It may not be today, tomorrow or the day after, but We will get there.

DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT GIVE UP.

“Stop whining like a girl”


“Stop whining like a girl”

“Be a man!!”

Narcissistic, Ruthless, Hypocrite audience been molding the man out of you.

Who made you the stronger sex ?

Trenching you from the instant you were born that you are strong and painting any color but ‘pink’.

Why are all things associated with the feminine weak? Why? You hear people say stop acting like a girl?

How are girls?

We hear people say stop walking like a girl, how do girls walk? “Be a man” , “he’s such a girl” . Why is it normal that being a man connotes strength and being a woman connotes weakness.

You, my beloved is unique,characteristic in your own way. No gender must have “pink” denoting as their weakness, I love pink and i am not feminine for that. Anything regarding feminine is considered stupid or irrelevant.The moment you have a baby girl we buy her dolls pink clothes, this stereotypical mentality of associating colors with sex.

Really? Colours are just colours. Girls wear any colour of clothes but men have become so picky because they do not want to look like a girl. Stereotypes who cannot wear yellow , purple ,or whatever colour the world has associated with women.

If blue was the “normal” colour for girls, men would hate blue if it was brown, they would hate brown. We are drenching in the beliefs that were born with enigmatic ego of earlier era.

Cursed souls…

 

Don’t you see that a few excruciating experiences can’t be expressed?

That depths of our soul can’t be put into words ?

Yes  it feels that words are simply cried out of our hearts and yes, I do come close to reveal the essence of that pain, yet I fail. Again & again.

I come close to find the answer to all of my questions and yet… the answer swifts away like a whirl of wind  like a soft whisper disappearing right before i can have it.

I want to talk/speak more than I can, more than I am capable of. Words are my biggest failure. Words has executed more souls than one can imagine.

Words has made all my dreams hitherto. Without the ability to express my emotions, without the ability to pass them on, to leave something behind,this curse will never reach denouement.

words fail to express what my heart so desperately want to declaim.

I feel in such a way that the fire that burns inside the chest is menacing to smash the world.I am strong yet I feel weak, because all i want to be able to contain in punctuation marks is something that brings out the best in me.

Just offer her a glimpse into my soul and hope that she can see and feel what I see and feel Why would that not be enough? We are all similar in nature.

We are all alike . we love and we feel .That’s it.

Words make us feel less alone, and let us know that there is someone out there who’s just like me. There’s great comfort in that, in knowing that the one with the sword the one with the roses is you always you.